This rainy day is my dad's birthday. He would have been 94 today. Bittersweet seems appropiate for today's offering. I got word last evening that my sister in law had lost her battle with cancer. She had turned 67 in July. She had recently been moved from her apt. to assisted living on a different floor of her building. Since she is a nun, she was worried about the Mother House paying for both her apt. and her assisted living. So this past weekend, the siblings and nieces(my daughter and daughter in law) gathered and began emptying the apt. I'm no longer included in any of "their" stuff. Guess that is more convenient for them now that my ex has re-married. Of course I would have been happy to help, but if you are not included, you do not go. I was quite unprepared for the call last evening that she had passed away. Now my dilema is, "do I go to the visitation and/or funeral, or not". It's odd because I feel it would be fine for me to do that, since I have a 30+ year history with his siblings. I'm not sure it would upset anyone except the wife of my ex's brother. She decided years ago that I was a "rival" and acts upon that assumption. Sooooo...what to do??? A card with money, of course, but paying one's respects meant far more to me, when my dad, died. I've got a couple of days to decide............feel free to give me your opinion..please.
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7 comments:
I have had this experience Finn. After my first husband died his family decided I no longer was part of their family. My daughters yes but me no. When my former motherinlaw died I went to the funeral home a few hours before visitation and signed the guestbook, shared my happy memories with her and said my goodbye and left. I sent flowers and a card to the family and left it at that. One former sisterinlaw asked my daughters why I wasn't at the service and they told her out of respect for the family. Its a hard call for someone else to tell you what to do. Follow your heart. Hugs my friend.
Well my opinion is if you had a good relationship with her and her immediate family I would go. Of course you don't want to upset anyone and that is totally understandable, but if your on good terms with all but the one wife I would go at least and pay your respects and let the members you get along with how sorry you are.
It is a shame that we all have these delima's these days isn't it. I feel for you.
I say go! You're paying your respects to the deceased -- if your former SIL has a problem with it -- that's her problem. It would not keep me from saying my goodbyes to someone I had a long history with. (But then, I've been known to have an attitude problem ;-)!)
Joanne
I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your sister in law. If it were me, I would go to the funeral home and pay my respects. And send flowers. Those that don't want to speak with you probably wouldn't no matter what the circumstance. I have a cousin who once didn't speak to me at a visitation...I considered the source and was gracious later on anyway, when she gave me the chance. (This cousin did not come to pay respects to my Mum..by the way. Her brother did, and sent a basket of plants.) Love to you, dear Finn. Life has its sticky spots, but love bears all things. A cloud with a silver lining indeed. Psalm 18:30 Whatever you decide will be alright.
I forgot to comment about your Dad...he must have been a wonderful man...you are blessed to have had such a good relationship. I love my Dad but he was kind of aloof. Today is my sister's birthday...she is 55...3 years younger than me. She's got lots of problems but is doing well just now....I have a friend who likes to visit your blog and she also is a quilter and really enjoys your wonderful quilts. Blogger isn't letting her post comments somehow...she tries. We're going to get together next week and try to get her 'on board'.
A difficult situation, at best. I was divorced after a long marriage & when I remarried recently, both my former in-laws and my former sister-in-law sent wedding gifts and congratulations. I thought that was very nice on their part. I think they truly wanted me to be happy & are still a little upset by their son's/brother's actions.
I would go to the service. It is just as much for you as it is for the others. If they have a problem with it, tough! You need the closure too.
Thanks ladies..you have all helped me so much..I just knew you would give me good advice and help. I went to the visitation today, and am so glad I went. I don't know that I would have without your help. She looked very peaceful and beautiful. It was sad for me to learn that she was the LAST sister(nun) from her order to serve at Holy Family Hospital.
She's the end of an era.
I was quite well received and I felt fine about being there. If the fact that my ex had both of his wives there..well, that's his problem.
I was proud of my children..they turned out in full force. Sister Marian had 12 nieces and nephews. Of those 5 are mine, and all adopted children. I was proud that 2 had helped empty her apt. last weekend, and 3 were at today's visitation. All 5 of them, and most of their children will be at the funeral tomorrow. They do their dad and I proud I think. Hugs, for such good blogger friends, Finn
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