and I'm definitely OLD enough to have opinions about both. As usual, this is what is on my mind today..it's taken most of the day to 'jell' into thoughts I can write down. I believe the human 'condition' almost REQUIRES us to 'tell our stories' to share our humanity in spoken, written, painted, sewn or dance form. I've probably missed something there, but you get the idea. Today I'm sharing a little project, recently begun. It's NOT a big deal.
A $1, spiral bound journal is on it's way to becoming an outward sign of a PRIDE that is new to me, a pride in what I 'do'....*VBS*
These are tops that I pieced for Wrap Them In Love, 'Bama Belle's group in particular. Linda J.is kind and is willing to take my tops and finish them for her groups donation projects. It allows me to continue piecing quilts. Physically I'm not able to complete as many quilts as I can piece tops for...sad truth. I had almost given up making anything new, and mostly played and dabbled in new ideas that never saw completion. Now they do, which delights me.
I'm aware how SMALL a deal this is, but it has taught me things I didn't know about myself. Until the project sharing with Linda J, I didn't know I didn't take pride in things I do. In my childrens accomplishments, yes, or those of my ex,but not in my own. Because they "don't count". I was only doing what needed doing, what I wanted to accomplish or what I had no choice but to take care of. Things I made were made with love, but DUTY is what rang out at the end. Satisfaction....but not pride. You'd have to wonder why??? First, you'd have to realize it was the norm for you to see it that way. So, why?? Family. And I think it might be that simple. I grew up without being told I was doing a good job, or that someone was proud of me. I was "checked on", but only to see if the job was complete. Teachers in the 40's and 50's(at least in my schools) were NOT big on praise, not encouraging comments. Nothing written on my report cards was ever terrible, but something prompted me to destroy ALL of them, and I had them a;; the way back to Kindergarten. "Sylvia doesn't live up to her potential", "Sylvia doesn't use her time productively", "Sylvia spends too much time looking out the window when she should be working".
It seems performance is all that mattered, not how hard you tried or if you did a good a job. And then I met and fell in love(?)with a guy whose family was totally lacking demonstrations of affection. They didn't hug, they didn't give birthday presents, they didn't thank each other. Life was duty. He and I were a bit like oil and water. Trust me, oil burns hotter *VBS*,water is flat,often stormy and is almost always deceptive.
Luckily by the time we adopted our first child, there wasn't a force on earth that could have kept me from saying I loved huou, or that she was doing a good job, or how clever she was in whatever task it was. It isn't just that children need reassurance that they are doing well, I believe ALL living things need do. Maybe the trees don't need it as much as the crews who clear away the snow, but are you sure??? I'm not.
In my late 40's, when so much was going wrong in my marriage and life, it dawned on me that I longed for someone to tell me "you're doing a great job", and even more, "my goodness but you're clever(or smart, or pretty, or something?). What was missing, was 'family', I think.
Years later. when my oldest DD said to me(one year at Christmas time) "Mom, how on earth did you do it all?", I was quite stunned by the question. I asked what did she mean? She meant 'taking care of home, 5 kids, my dad and being an administrator's wife....and making sure the kids had enough each Christmas to be happy'. Apparently just Christmas shopping for 5 kids(plus adults)had just become something she noticed...LOL Later, as I thought about her remark, I realized how much it meant to me,the maturity to see what "walking in my shoes" was like.
Anyway, as an Honorary Bama Belle, I was thrilled when Linda sent me pictures of the quilts made from my tops *VBS* I chose to make the little "book" of them, and I did so with PRIDE...each gets it's own page, and today....I added Winnie the Pooh stickers here and there. Just because I could and I wanted to...DIDN'T I DO GREAT????
Predjudice is another whole post I think....