My head is all mixed up today....

and it's hard to know what to do about that. As of 9 a.m. this morning, no less than three(3) seperate blog 'posts' were knocking on my brain's door, looking to be heard. I sometimes have 2, but 3 is just ridiculous! So I'm going to try and just deal with ONE, if I can keep it seperated from the others.
I gave in and went to the dr. yesterday afternoon. After a particularily BAD bout of coughing and strangling, I decided something had to be done before I needed the 911 crew and oxygen. In the small village where I live, you can call the clinic and see the Dr. the same day(most of the time). She found my lungs to be clear, but the bronchial tubes swollen and blocked. I now have a steroid based inhaler and must say, it's helping.
On the way home, I decided to stop along the old river road hoping for pictures of the lovely 'green mist' that hangs over the treed hillsides. In places the leaves were fully opened, but in others I found what I was looking for. I was also in search for trilliums, our State flower. I found a few but not at a place where I could pull over. So I'll snap those another day. No green mist pictures today either.
And no whispers from the past that are trying to wiggle into my frontal lobe and emerge..*S*
What I want to talk about is words. It began yesterday with a lovely e-mail from Michele at http://with-heart-and-hands.blogspot.com/ She was telling me that she seeks out the symbolism of words. And of course, our language is based on symbols. Before a written alphabet in any language, we drew the deer, or sun, or the forest fire on the walls of our caves.Even strangers could read the pictures. That's probably not the kind of symbolism she was refering to. Altho I suspect it involves a mental picture to accompany thinking about the word. So how do I perceive and interact with words? Vocabulary was one of my favorite things in school. I took a mental library of words, meaning and uses with me when I graduated. 49 years later, I can still rattle off the defination of osmosis for you...*VBG* But enough of that. I love the sound and texture of words as they roll off someones tongue, or present themselves on a page. A string of words, such as, "something there is that doesn't love a wall" is as good as a feast to me. I often think in sentences that are song lyrics..."where have all the flowers gone..", and just the past day or two, I'm stuck with "I've got a ticket to ride....". Is that going to be a quilt??? My gosh, maybe!?! All of those 'bits' are full of symbolism, and I suspect the symbolism differs from person to person.
What I'm realizing is that I probably do 'play' on symbolizm from words when I write or speak. Is what I am saying meant to be taken at face value? Probably not....LOL
What I was conflicted about is that , in my head, 'symbolism' means a defination in a book with a picture and it's meaning explained. i.e. all the variations on 'cross'. I will think about this more....trying to understand and seperate how I use words, from book symbolism. I think I choose the words I use, to help transport you to a place of memory, or a 'peek in the window' of my memories.
I have been in conflict for some time now, trying to under what value living 'in the now' can have. In terms of dragging bags of garbage from the past, I understand. Both my oldest son and my psychologist think 'being in the moment' is a very good thing. I believe that the past we stand on(and remember) assists us as we go. So maybe I am a time travel? I can take star dust and moon beams, with fairies dancing in the garden, and spin that out for(and to)you, and then cast it into the 'morrow' for you to find or follow. How will you know if you don't seek it out?
I find that much of what is happening in 'the now' is very one dimentional and flat. Running like a line across time. It seems to lack substance, isn't 'fleshed out' as with a good book or painting. And it seems to be more about 'acquiring and having' than understanding, appreciating and giving back.Like a row of hash marks on a page...scores.
A very, very long time ago, I read this line of poetry(or maybe haiku) "Before you love, learn to run through snow, leaving no footprints". I don't remember who said it, but the idea(of running through snow leaving no footprints) stuck with me.
Snow is one of those things that can,and will, play with your mind. It's an "all or nothing" deal. Once you step one foot onto the snow, everything changes and can't be put back as it was before. Think about that for awhile.